I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
