so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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