That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
