Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
