The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We have started to decorate penises.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
