I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
