I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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