You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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