I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
