I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
