I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
