S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
