I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
