Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
