Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
