can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
