I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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