I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
