my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Small penises have feelings too.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
