I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
