She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
