Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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