Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
