i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
