Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
