the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
