oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
