I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
