I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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