Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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