Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
