I want you more than these girls want KFC
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
