On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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