Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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