I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
