Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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