He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
