you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
