im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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