Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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