Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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