Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
