took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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