dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
