I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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