update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
