More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
