her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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