Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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