literally had 100 drinks last night.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
