its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
